I don't want to be a murderer
by EvilPoutOfDoom
Summary: He’s breaking down and it’s all my fault. I have to do something. It just kills him to know that I’m unfaithful. Songfic to Rihanna’s Unfaithful.


**Disclaimer: picks up potion vial and drinks "I am J K Rowling and I own all of the Harry Potter – what do you mean I have whiskers?" feels face "Damn… I must have got hair from one of J K Rowling's cats. Stupid Polyjuice Potion… Don't worry, I'll erase their memories and give them back when I've finished playing with them. I promise." puts on innocent face**

Story of my life  
Searching for the right  
But it keeps avoiding me  
Sorrow in my soul  
Cause it seems that wrong  
Really loves my company

All my life I have been searching for "The One" "Mr Right" my "Soul Mate" and if he really does exist, then he's pretty damn good at hiding from me. I just want someone who understands my state of mind. No matter what I do, I always seem to get with the wrong people.

He's more than a man  
And this is more than love  
The reason that the sky is blue  
But clouds are rolling in  
Because I'm gone again  
And to him I just can't be true

He's absolutely perfect, a god. I love him more than I can say. The world is the way it is because of him, and my life couldn't be better. But it's not true, and I wish it were. I can't just stay here, I have to get away. I can't stay only with him, it's just too hard.

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
And it kills him inside  
To know that I am happy with some other guy  
I can see him dying

He knows anyway. He knows that I'm not happy with him, and it's tearing him apart. For him, knowing that I am with someone else kills him slowly, but surely.

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
I don't wanna be the reason why  
Everytime I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
I don't wanna take away his life  
I don't wanna be...  
A murderer  
_

I've had enough of this. I hate that every time I leave him, the hole in his heart grows bigger. I'm causing him so much pain, and I know that he won't last much longer. I don't want to be the reason that he gives up.

_I feel it in the air  
As I'm doing my hair  
Preparing for another date  
A kiss up on my cheek  
He's here reluctantly  
As if I'm gonna be out late  
I say I won't be long  
Just hanging with the girls  
A lie I didn't have to tell  
Because we both know  
Where I'm about to go  
And we know it very well_

I can tell he knows I'm getting ready to go out again, to escape. He half heartedly tries to show me he cares, but he really doesn't want to try. He knows it's a battle he has lost before it began. I make excuses, saying that I'm just meeting some friends, but I didn't need to say anything. We both know the routine; we've known it for so long.

_Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
And it kills him inside  
To know that I am happy with some other guy  
I can see him dying  
_

He knows that I'm not true to him. It's tearing the hole further, because I'm with someone besides him. It won't be long now.

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
I don't wanna be the reason why  
Everytime I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
I don't wanna take away his life  
I don't wanna be...  
A murderer  
_

This isn't helping. I can't bear to see his shoulders slump as I leave, knowing that it's only a small part of what he's feeling. He's drawing into himself, trying to avoid the pain. I wish I had never ruined his life.

_Our Love, his trust  
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head  
Get it over with  
I don't wanna do this  
Anymore  
Uh  
Anymore (anymore)  
_

So much for our love, so much for the trust he placed in me, all that time ago. I might as well just kill him now. It would probably be kinder to him. I have to get it over with, I can't lie any longer.

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
I don't wanna be the reason why  
Everytime I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
I don't wanna take away his life  
I don't wanna be...  
A murderer (a murderer)_

I'm really sick of this. I hate that I kill him every time I leave him. Each time he dies a little more, and I know that he can't take much more. I have hurt him enough already. I want to try and save him before it's too late, but it's impossible.

_No no no no_

It's too late now. I've made a mistake. All this time I have had him right in front of me and I never realised just how much he meant. He's not coming back and I'm lonely again. It's strange how you don't realise how much you need something until you no longer have it.

_Yeah yeah yeah_

I deserve this pain. After all I put him through, it's my turn to feel helpless. I wasn't good enough for him, he deserved so much more. It's something that I will regret for the rest of my life.

**AN: I wrote this thinking it suited Hermione/Ron but once I got to the end I realised that it could be for a hole heap of other pairings too. Let me know what pairing you thought of as you read it in your reviews. **


End file.
